It’s time. It’s time, to change my thoughts about how I move. I have been thinking and expecting climbing stairs and moving quickly to be difficult for my legs, for them to have a hard time with such movement, and my body has complied flawlessly with my thoughts. While I appreciate such compliance, it is my thoughts that are taking me ever downward into pain and difficulty. I do not want to be an invalid; I want to always be able to get around and walk easily as others do. I have always believed that I could not perform as well as others physically since my youth, and this belief has led me to a place of no return: either I reverse my course, or I lose the use of my legs and become a burden to Ben. I WANT TO REVERSE COURSE!!!
To do that, I must change my thoughts. There is no other way to accomplish the task of getting my body back to strength and health. Even if I went to the gym and exercised faithfully, I would not make much progress if I still retained these negative beliefs about my body. So I must address my beliefs, first and foremost.
Even though they are bad beliefs, bringing me pain and trouble, a big part of me is used to them and does not want to change them. To do this, I will have to embrace the change and the new thoughts. This is a critical point; I am standing on the edge of the cliff, and I do not want to go forward in the direction I have been traveling for these 58 years.
So I will begin, by documenting each movement and recording the thoughts I have when performing it and the thought I want to replace it with.
Task: Change my thoughts
Negative Belief/Feeling: I am used to how I think; I don’t want to change. Affirmation: I am willing to change and to grow. I now create a safe and healthy new future. I can do this, and I am doing this now.
Negative Belief/Feeling: I can’t walk as strongly and quickly as others; my legs are weaker than most. I am slow and sometimes in the way.
Affirmation: I walk easily and with pleasure; my legs feel good and energized.
Task: Going up stairs
Negative Belief/Feeling: Climbing stairs is difficult; my legs strain to raise me to another level; I am afraid my knees will go out of alignment and hurt and be damaged. I am really slow and awkward; I know I am in people’s way.
Affirmation: My legs are strong and I go upstairs easily, with balance and power; I enjoy the smooth ascent.
Task: Going down stairs
Negative Belief/Feeling: My left knee will not support me going down the stairs, so I must descend by stepping down with the left foot and then stepping onto the same step with the right. I also have to hold the handrail with both hands. I know I look old and dumb; my awkwardness makes me feel so stupid. I know I am sometimes in the way.
Affirmation: I descend stairs easily, each strong leg smoothly cooperating with the other. I feel good and enjoy the flow.
Task: Getting up from sitting
Negative Belief/Feeling: I know I will be stiff; I have to be careful or I will fall over and make a fool of myself as well as hurt myself. I know I look old and cripple staggering along in the first little bit after I get up. If people have to notice my lack of strength I hope they will be sympathetic.
Affirmation: I rise easily from a chair on strong and graceful legs and proceed to the place I’m heading confidently and with pleasure.
Negative Belief/Feeling: I have to be careful how I move my legs; my knees can hurt unexpectedly.
Affirmation: I sit with ease; my legs are comfortable and feel good.
Negative Belief/Feeling: I move painfully and awkwardly because my legs are weak.
Affirmation: I move with grace and ease on strong legs. Movement is pleasure.
After making this list into a table, I reduced it, printed it and laminated it to take with me to work, to remind me of my new choices of belief. Several weeks later, I can tell the difference in my leg strength. : )